We have 4 weeks for him to realise, otherwise it's staying.

The time has come when a real-life remake of famous reality TV Hollywood blockbuster, The Trueman Show, becomes reality here on Kings Hill.

Three days ago, the show began yet unfortunately not everyone is a cast member, and the person chosen to participate of course, does not know he is the star.

The show involves following every minute, of every day, of an unsuspecting man living on Kings Hill.

"Will he choose Costa 1, or will he choose Costa 2?"

"Will he announce that he's fucked off with the idiotic and inconsiderate parking, and finally lose the plot?"

These are just a couple of the questions the viewers will be antagonising over during each episode. Over the past 3 days, extreme traffic scenarios that wouldn't ever grace normality elsewhere, have occurred. Including closing the A228 for a supposed gas replacement that takes 4 weeks! (good one eh!), and diverting shit loads of traffic including not just HGV's, but those bastard foreign ones too! Brilliant! :D Mr Trueman (true identity not yet revealed) still didn't crack by day 2, so earlier on some of the cast posing as Kings Hill Security, created some bollards and named them width restrictions. Sounds ok doesn't it? No, because you see the genius producers come up with a plan, that once the cars who felt like VIP's for being able to fit through said gap, went through, they then realised half way up the road it was in fact CLOSED! You could only get to David Lloyd for a class of pilates and turn back again only to join the bastard traffic you'd just sat in! OMG could the script writers BE anymore inventive!? We applaud you.

It's said that later this week, loud speakers will play the theme music to 'benny hill' as cars rally around the Hill trying to escape to work.

"Today we sent in a foreign HGV for a costa. Obviously, without a designated 40ft parking bay we instructed him to park in the whole god damn car park blocking everyone in/out. That was my idea" claimed Mr Weir.

The show is to run for a total of 4 weeks, yet not without upsetting some of the local non-cast members who are also, none the wiser. Including local MP Tommy Bluehat.

"The only way we can stop the show prematurely is for Mr Trueman to realise" said one insider. "Until then, it's a pre-recorded show which will air just before Xmas, after X-factor has finished."

Do you know who he is?

Do you think it could be you?

Is your patience being tested daily, above and beyond what could be acceptable normality?

We are pleading to all residents that are not cast members to find, and oust the star of the show urgently so we can all get on with our lives. Please. For the love of the sky wizard.