Owners of 5-star hygiene rated 'Memphis Belle' sandwich shop shat themselves earlier today, as Rod, the local councillor who isn't a councillor issued a public recommendation.
Fuck you Rod!
Businesses within the Kings Hill complex of Churchill Square have suffered an unprecedented influx of business after similar outcries of support came from the councillor who isn't a councillor.
Local Chinese restaurant Sino, who serve delicious prawn toast, sizzling fillet beef, prawn balls with sweet n sour sauce amongst others, have suffered quadruple the amount of business than expected, leading to complaints about waiting time.
Where the f*ck has all this business came from!?
Managers of local businesses have had to issue public statements to apologise for the influx of business they have enjoyed, as a consequence of Rod's heartfelt warcries.
"We didn't know what hit us. One minute we're selling one tub of special fried rice per hour, the next thing you know we had chicken balls coming out of our ears like it was New Year again, which is strange because my last fortune cookie said it'll be a shit year."
We spoke with one of the un-named staff members at Memphis Belle sandwich bar who stated: "We've just taken on a kick-starter sandwich maker after today's new budget announcements and another new team member to respond solely to social media complaints from anyone who expresses their disappointment publically, about waiting longer than usual for our doorstop bacon sarnies or filtered coffee, which isn't available from Costa 1 and saves you the walk to Costa 2 I might add".
It is thought that Rishi Sunak is seeking the contact details for Rod, regarding some recommendations he'd like to have posted on behalf of the government. If Rod can get in touch we'd be pleased to pass on your details.
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