Cocaine Caterpillar on the Hill

Local resident shocked to find Caterpillar on drug fuelled bender.

A local resident was shocked to find a strange looking caterpillar, acting all brash, hypo, over confident and damn right annoying. It appeared to be smothering itself in a yellow colouring of cocaine.

"I'm disgusted at this thing. It shouldn't be allowed. Can we kill it?"

Clearly angry, residents were concerned over the caterpillar approaching children, as last year, these things became so brash they killed trees in the local neighbourhood. The caterpillars we mean. If the kids get hold of this stuff, god knows what they'll do what with being starved of things to do during the holidays.

Local PCSO 'Windy' was called, who immediately ran to the scene.

The caterpillar had already made it to the boundary of the garden in just under 3hrs but Windy managed to have a word just in time. Eyewitnesses said it was like a scene from The Professionals and that the interrogation would have made Doyle proud! "She was pretty rough with him" said the eyewitness.

Turn's out, after several hours of a heat lamp in the eyes in the dark shed, the caterpillar confirmed it wasn't cocaine at all. It was simply sherbert. The Caterpillar was a young one, who recently bought a sachet from Asda and wanted to show off to friends. The hypo behaviour was simply from a sugar rush and peer pressure thinking that drugs are cool.

The young caterpillar stated "I would like to apologise for my behaviour. I feel I've let myself down, and the entire development of Kings Hill by acting like a middle aged twat who still thinks living a life like Danny Dyer in The Business is a good thing. I will never bring down our society by acting like a 'Faaking melt' ever again".