A group of volunteers have had quite enough on Kings Hill this week, as far as Anti-social behaviour from teenagers goes.
The vigilante group whose leader is somewhat under wraps, has already began to layout the foundations of “anti-anti social” #assgate for short.
“These shitebags don’t know who they’re dealing with, they’ve pushed us too far now and they’re gonna pay!” Said Mrs Furious, co-founding member of the community #assgate support group.
Events that have caused a backlash include;
* Dismantling plants
* Breaking glass in play areas
* Ripping up trees
* Tearing down Asda railway sleepers
* Setting alight to children’s ‘wishing’ & nature areas in the woods.
* Stealing & smashing garden ornament balls.
* Climbing the control tower and smashing glass to the floor.
The vigilante group leader spoke to us earlier today in strict confidence to advise what the proposals are to prevent this type of behaviour from happening from here on;
“we plan to hit the teens head on and offer them a free facility to gather in, every afternoon after school and every evening until 11:30pm where a host of decent kings hillian folk shall give up their time to teach them life skills such as Crochet, typing, cookery, accountancy and some fun games too like dominos and bridge.“ said Mr Lovejoy.
“We’ll even treat the little swines to free Coca Cola, Haribo‘s and a Cheeky Nando’s takeaway once in a while just to show them we mean business!”
“We shall fight them on the benches! We shall fight them on the rooftops!”
It is also planned to have installed a zip wire from every main Liberty property roof, in case the #ass gang climb where they shouldn’t do. A think tank recently commissioned by the residents of Kings Hill’s Liberty Trust found that 1/10 kids hated zip wires, so as a deterrent to those would-be climbers; zip wires shall be installed with extra laser beams and “swooosh” sound machines alongside each one just to make the experience extra terrible.
Residents have clearly reached boiling point with Liberty Property Trust for failing to parent their children, so enough is enough. It’s now in the parents and residents hands.
Be afraid. Very afraid oh teen ones!
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