Magic cobbles have recently been a topic for discussion by local councils, in order to slow down wannabe Lewis Hamiltons. The first test for these not so natural pieces of stone is Offham Village.
Work began, 29 years ago from the 1988 council's budget fund immediately after Hacksaw Jim Duggan won the first ever WWF Wrestling Royal Rumble. The councillor was a huge fan and subsequently made some frivolous spending decisions that year.
Nevertheless, work is almost complete with just a few more temporary traffic lights yet to be moved.
The magic of these cobbles, has unknowingly forced drivers to slow down by 0.53mph as they feel the vibrations through the vehicle, except for one lady driving back from Davidoff Lloyds seemed to speed up whilst smiling!
It also gives the impression of the road being narrower than what it actually is, thus making drivers sometimes close their eyes during passing one another or making that face like when you have a hot chip in your mouth.
We interviewed local resident George Clevercloggs who we stopped on the way into the Kings Arms, "Well, I did wonder what that rumbling was the first time I came back from work, then realised it was the magic cobbles, and thought wow - now I really get to test my 4x4 Defender, and continued to drive along them. Now I even aim to drive on them purposely just to convince the wife I NEED the Defender".
Unfortunately, what with the 29 years of inflation gone by, the cost for the magic cobbles are now at an estimated £53,405,000. Apparently, when the costs were signed off on the purchase order, the wrong box for 'Day Rate' was ticked instead of 'Job & Knock'. It's proven a costly mistake.
Kings Hill Parish Council vow not to make the same mistake if they bring the magic cobbles in to force.