Great news for mums!
Popular Kings Hill gymnasium and health club announces a new membership to fill a gap in the market.
In addition to Single Membership, Family Membership and off peak membership packages, we now have the Voyeurism Membership!
We spoke with the manager that had the bright idea.
"It's all about what the customer wants really. We ran a survey over the past 12 months, and statistics showed us that 69% of female mums that attend Davidoff Lloyd, don't actually work out at all. They just want to stare and dribble over our tennis coaches. Some even go for a nails and blow dry before dropping the kids off, just in the hope of being noticed by the coach.
We felt it was a waste of money for those simply wanting to have a goosie gander at Pepé the coach and in some ways, unfair to charge them a whole months membership fee, just for that!?"
It's great for our business although it does have it's negatives now and then. Just last week, one angry husband stormed through the barriers to approach Pepé the coach, clearly disgruntled at his wife wanting to make such an impression. "Can you afford this membership if you wasn't working here already?! Can you afford my bloody mortgage and private schooling for the kids!? Can you!? What makes you so bloody fantastic pretty boy!?"
It was rather embarrassing actually. Pepé, broke down and fell to his knees visually upset. He admitted he isn't that cool, and his real name is actually Malcolm. It was a shock to all of us too, as now we have to get a new name badge ordered.
That's not all, but on the horizon for 2018 after a recent board meeting, there is talk of a "one day a year social pass".
This is aimed at those families that happen to be doing nothing on the one day a year of sunshine, and off the cuff decide to pop in and use the swimming pool and bar area.
"It's lovely, and makes you feel like you're on holiday if you closed your eyes for a moment" said one of the clients we nabbed before jumping into a disabled Lamborghini.
If you're anything like us at KH&MS, whenever you go on holiday and come away thinking that you should buy a villa and invest in a holiday home, this is that local equivalent moment where you just don't have to spend £2400 a year on a small mortgage - just pay £259 annual membership for a one day family voucher to use whenever you want, at the drop of a hat when that sun gets his hat on.
Hip Hip Hooray!